Let’s face it, behind the cheer and the jolly, the holidays are HARD. Between hosting family, spending money most of us don’t have, and kids being home from school, stress can be at an all time high. This is especially true for survivors of domestic or sexual violence.
Here are 11 self-care tips for survivors during the holiday season:
1. You do not have to attend events where your abuser is present.
No tradition, gathering, or celebration is more important than your comfort and safety. Declining an invitation is a valid choice.
2. You are allowed to set and maintain boundaries.
Boundaries do not disappear for the holidays. You are not obligated to ignore them for the sake of appearances or others’ comfort.
3. You are not required to share your story.
You alone decide who has access to your experiences. Sharing is optional, not owed—regardless of others’ curiosity, concern, or skepticism.
4. You are allowed to leave early—or not attend at all.
If you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or unsafe, you can leave. Listening to your needs is not rude, it’s necessary.
5. You are allowed to say no.
You are in control of your time, energy, and participation. Pressure to say yes to come to events or see people you aren’t in contact with is a boundary violation, and you have every right to walk away.
6. Feeling overwhelmed is normal.
The holidays are stressful, regardless of the situation. Acknowledging these feelings is healthy and can help you navigate them more effectively.
7. You are allowed to take your time.
You do not have to keep up with the pace or expectations of others. Rest and relaxation is a part of self-care.
8. You do not have to feel festive.
Grief, anger, sadness, and exhaustion are common and normal responses to trauma. You are not obligated to put those feelings aside for others.
9. You are not required to celebrate.
If traditional celebrations feel like too much, it is okay to opt out. You can focus on what feels grounding and supportive instead.
10. You are allowed to feel what you feel.
Your emotions are real and valid. They do not need to be minimized, explained, or postponed for anyone else’s comfort.
11. You get to choose how you spend the holidays.
Whether you gather with loved ones, spend time alone, or create new traditions, there is no “right” way to get through this season. Choosing what feels best for you is an act of self-care.
Ultimately, these reminders all come back to this- that your safety, comfort, and healing are more important than holiday expectations or anyone else’s idea of what the holidays “should” look like. This season may feel heavy or complicated, and that’s okay, you’re not doing anything wrong. Be gentle with yourself, and remember- self care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Wherever you are this holiday season, remember that you are deserving of love, and you are never alone.
Written by: Paul Benson
Edited by: Kirsti McNeece
