Communication is one of the building blocks for a healthy relationship. When it is said that “communication makes a healthy relationship”, people may wonder what specific tools look like. One tool that is proposed is understanding love languages, that is, the differences in how partners prefer to communicate and receive love and/or affection. How people communicate affection is nuanced, so love languages are not one-size-fits-all. Everything from culture, upbringing, and personal experiences can impact how someone prefers to communicate. Nonetheless, thinking of the ways in which others differ in their communication style can help promote greater understanding in relationships.
The 5 Love Languages website describes the “love languages” that people may use to varying degrees: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts (LoveLanguages, n.d.). Although most people often engage in a combination of these, the website features a quiz that can be taken to determine what one’s preferred love language is. This subsequently can be used to compare and contrast preferred love languages amongst partners to enhance communication.
Quality Time describes valuing being connected through activities and moments of full engagement/undivided attention. Some examples include being unplugged from phones or technology during conversations, making time for dates or bonding activities, creating special memories.
Words of Affirmation describes valuing verbal or written expressions of love and affection. Some examples include random texts or notes, providing reassurances, expressing compliments, affection, and pride for a partner.
Acts of Service describes valuing doing things for the other person that they enjoy or taking something off their shoulders. Some examples include doing chores or errands unprompted, cooking someone’s favorite meal, making a playlist for the other person, or noticing things that stress the other person out and seeing where it is possible to assist.
Physical Touch describes valuing bonding through physical presence and contact. Examples could include hugging, hand-holding, being nearby, or even providing physically comforting experiences for a partner (ex. blankets when they are cold, massage).
Gift Giving describes valuing giving or receiving tokens to symbolize love or care for another. Examples include buying things for a partner, homemade gifts, and other symbols of thoughtfulness no matter how small.
Love Languages are one way for partners to express thoughtfulness and care for one another. For example, if a couple includes Person A, who prefers to express love through Acts of Service, and Person B, who prefers to express love through Words of Affirmation, there are things that each can take into consideration to improve communication.
Let’s say Person A believes actions speak louder than words. One morning, Person A is eager to start their day and while leaving doesn’t say “I love you” to Person B. This could hurt Person B, while unbeknownst to them, Person A left early to make time to fill Person B’s car up with some gas to alleviate a task from their to-do list. Meanwhile, Person A is frustrated that Person B did not get the mail as they said they would yesterday. However, Person B was busy writing a love note which Person A finds on the dining room table.
Understanding their communication preferences makes room for compromise. Knowing their partner enjoys affirming words, Person A makes it a point to text them “How are you?” during the day. Knowing their partner values services, Person B makes sure to follow through on what they said they would do.
These seemingly small gestures are a way to make a difference in relationships and to express one’s love and care. Relationships don’t require grandiose gestures to be meaningful and worthwhile; what matters is people being attuned and open to learning more about one another.
References:
LoveLanguages (n.d.). What are the 5 Love Languages? Retrieved on February 19, 2025 from https://5lovelanguages.com/learn
