We fully live in a digital world. We shop, communicate, learn, and entertain ourselves online, and this is especially true for children. Today’s kids grow up with constant access to information unlike anything seen in human history. For most of the past, knowledge was shared in-person, or through limited written materials. Only a few people like scholars or the ruling class had access to extensive collections of information. Now, anyone with a phone or computer has access to essentially all of human knowledge, plus the ability to communicate with people anywhere in the world. This connectivity brings incredible opportunities. Children can explore any topic, read major works, and find communities of people who share their interests or experiences, even when they feel out of place locally. The internet can provide belonging where isolation once existed. However, this access also carries risks. The same tools that empower children can also be misused by bad actors. Completely shielding kids from the digital world isn’t practical or helpful, it only leaves them unprepared for what’s out there. Instead, we need to teach them, as well as ourselves, how to navigate online spaces safely and set healthy digital boundaries.
In 2025, Pew Research conducted a study about 13 to 17 year old’s daily social media consumption. They found that 73% of kids used YouTube every day, with 54% using it several times to almost constantly every day. 57% of kids used TikTok every day, with 50% saying they used it several times to almost constantly. 48% of kids used Snapchat every day with 40% saying they used it several time to almost constantly. Instagram was at 50% with 40% saying they used it several times a day to almost constantly. When we look at U.S. adult’s social media use we see some interesting data when compared to the children. 52% of adults use Facebook daily with 37% saying they use it several times a day. 48% say they use YouTube daily with 33% using it every day. TikTok was only 24% with only 19% saying they used it several times a day. This means that other than YouTube and TikTok, children and their guardians are not using the same apps. This means that it is much less easy to monitor what it is children are doing online, where as we have seen, a lot of their life is taking place. Before the internet, if a child was at home, it was pretty easy to check-in with them and make sure they were safe. The only times parents did not have eyes on their children were at school (where other trusted adults were in charge) and when they were out in the community (where bystanders could intervein if a child’s safety was compromised). Now there is a whole other landscape in which children live their life that has relatively little oversight. One of the best ways to help keep a child safe online (and in general) is helping them understand boundaries, and how to enforce and maintain their own.
Boundaries are our limits, rules, and expectations that define acceptable behavior from others. Discussing with a child what they want their boundaries to be and how they can advocate for them and enforce them goes a long way in filtering out people who may want to do them harm. It is important when discussing boundaries to emphasize their benefits. Good boundaries help avoid burn-out, gives a sense of autonomy, and creates better self-care. Digital boundaries are limits in place related to your technology and social media use. When a child is young, the parent sets the boundaries. When they are a teenager, the boundaries stay the same and teenagers learn to practice them while creating their own boundaries. It is important to emphasize your child’s intelligence while encouraging safe practices. Some good examples of digital boundaries are: not sharing passwords, setting a firm time in which people should stop reaching out, asking permission before posting photos/videos, or not allowing others to use your phone without asking. Everyone’s boundaries are different so it’s important to remind your child to check in with others so they can share their boundaries, and learn about the other persons boundaries.
If you do not spend a lot of time online, these boundaries may seem very rigid and intense. You may wonder why this is such an important topic. Because of how active people are online, a lot of dangerous things can occur there. Harassment, stalking, or bullying are all very common tactics of abuse in teen dating relationships. One in every four dating teens are harassed through technology. So, what does digital abuse look like? This could look like demanding passwords, checking cell phones, cyberbullying, non-consensual sexting, excessive or threatening texts, or stalking on social media. 1 in 8 people had someone threaten to post and/or posted sexually explicit images of them without their consent. In general, there are 5 characteristics of digital abuse to look out for. Coercion, control, degradation, embarrassment, and persistence.
The American Psychiatric Association has 5 reminders when it comes to technology abuse in children. First off, recognize that developing brains may be vulnerable to specific social media features. Apps make their money by keeping eyes on the screen, so these apps often contain features meant to hijack someone’s attention and keep them active on it for as long as possible. Secondly, it is important to monitor and discuss children’s social media use. There is a fine line between respecting a child’s privacy and doing your due diligence as a parent, so make sure to have open discussions and honest communication about their use. Reassure them that you are on their side even if they are in trouble. Third, it is important for your child to see you modeling healthy social media use. When you discuss boundaries with your child show them how you practice yours so they can model this behavior. Next, watch for problematic social media use. Any social media use that is taking up much of the child’s time and energy may be problematic. Lastly, believe them if they say they are being abused.
Written by: Paul Benson
