There are three possible endings to a relationship where domestic violence is present:
1. The partner who chooses violence gets help for their problem.
2. The survivor leaves the relationship.
3. The relationship continues.
The partner who chooses violence gets help for their problem:
- Partner Abuse Intervention Programs (PAIP) that focus on accountability, challenging ideals and promote healthy relationships and conflict resolution can be very effective.
- Initially marriage or couples counseling is NOT helpful and may further victimize the partner because open communication may result in more violence.
- Counseling programs focusing on alcohol or drug abuse do NOT stop the violence either.
- Though substance abuse may be intertwined, solving one problem does not necessarily solve the other.
The survivor leaves the relationship:
- When an abusive relationship breaks up, the person who chooses harm is just as abusive in their next relationship. The violence is not limited to a particular couple, rather, it is the result of how a person has learned to deal with anger, stress, and frustration throughout their life as well as their attitudes and beliefs about the opposite sex.
The relationship continues:
- Domestic violence frequently escalates to dangerous levels and may have catastrophic consequences for both the survivor and their partner who chooses violence.
- One may:
- Become depressed over their situation and become suicidal
- Become chemically dependent on drugs or alcohol
- Develop a mental or emotional disorder
- The survivor may:
- Suffer serious physical disability or be murdered by their partner
- Kill their partner in self-defense
Abusive relationships do not end on their own, and they do not improve without meaningful change. Violence is a learned behavior, and without accountability and intervention, it tends to repeat and escalate. The safest and healthiest outcomes occur when the partner who chooses violence takes full responsibility for their actions and commits to long-term, specialized intervention, or when the survivor is able to leave and access support and safety resources. Continuing an abusive relationship places everyone involved at serious risk, including children, families, and communities. Understanding these realities is essential to breaking the cycle of abuse and emphasizing that everyone deserves relationships built on respect, safety, and dignity.
Written by: Frankie Best
