When talking with your children about technology and online safety, it is important to create an open and supportive dialogue. Conversations should be a space where your concerns, as well as your child’s feelings, habits, and experiences, can be discussed safely and honestly. Ask questions about how your child likes to spend their time online, what apps and games are popular right now, and whether they have experienced any uncomfortable interactions. Make sure your child knows they are not in trouble and that you are not judging them- you simply want to help keep them safe.
Once you have established a healthy and trusting dynamic around conversations about technology, consider asking your child if you can go through the privacy and security settings of the apps or websites they use most often. One way to establish trust is to let them hold the device and make the changes themselves. Taking a child’s phone or device may feel invasive and stressful and could potentially shut down open communication. Reviewing friend lists for unknown or unsafe individuals, adjusting who can send direct messages, and managing online or offline visibility are all good starting points. For a more in-depth understanding of online safety settings, you can reach out to us to schedule a free technology abuse safety training session.
As children interact with others online, it is important that they understand behaviors that may indicate an unhealthy or abusive dynamic. These behaviors, often referred to as red flags, can signal potential grooming or online abuse. One red flag is requests for personal information. While sharing basic details such as a first name may be appropriate in some settings, questions about where they live, their sexuality, or their appearance can be concerning. Excessive flattery may also be a manipulation tactic used to gain trust and create emotional dependence. Pressure to keep secrets such as “Don’t tell your parents we talk,” or “You haven’t told anyone about me, right?” is never appropriate. Healthy relationships do not require secrecy. While it can be normal for group conversations or online servers to move into direct messages, this usually occurs when there is already an established relationship. If not, it may be an attempt to isolate your child or shift conversations into inappropriate territory.
Another serious red flag is hostility or repeated disregard for boundaries. If someone consistently violates your child’s boundaries or reacts negatively when boundaries are set, it signals a toxic and unsafe dynamic. Multiple red flags or one very intense behavior should be addressed early. Having calm, nonjudgmental conversations about these warning signs and reassuring your child that you will not be angry if they come to you about something they’ve seen or done online helps ensure they are not facing these situations alone. Even if you feel worried or upset, remember that coming to you is a sign of trust and a request for help.
Another important consideration in online safety is the physical location of your child’s devices. If your child uses a computer, consider whether it is in their bedroom or a shared family space. Keeping computers in common areas allows caregivers to stay aware of online activity and helps normalize conversations about what children encounter online.
If there is one key takeaway, it is this: the most effective way to keep children safe online is through open, honest, and supportive communication. It is impossible to keep children offline or shield them from every potential risk. However, giving them the tools to recognize unsafe situations and making sure they know you will support them if something goes wrong does allows kids to have a safer online experience overall.
Written by: Paul Benson
