For many of us, the holiday season is a happy, relaxing time to spend with those we love most. But, for some of us, the holiday season may force us to be around people or situations that make us feel uncomfortable or unsafe. If you are not looking forward to the holiday season, don’t worry – you are not alone. Below are some safety planning tips to consider as we move into the season.
Ask yourself: Do I have to go?
The answer to this question will be different for everyone. For some folks, “keeping the peace” during the holidays by attending family functions may help them feel safer, even if it is unpleasant. If that’s the case for you, that’s okay. We will discuss safety planning in that situation, too.
However, if it is safe for you to skip out on family functions or get-togethers, it is okay to make that decision. It may be difficult; family members who choose abuse may use guilt or shame to stop survivors from setting boundaries. But remember, you are not responsible for other peoples choices, and making decisions that help you feel safe is not wrong or selfish.
Staying safe around family and intimate partners
If you do have to visit family for the holidays, or if you are staying home with a partner who makes you feel safe, here are some things to consider:
Consider keeping someone in the loop
If it is safe for you to do so, you may want to notify a friend or safe family member about your holiday plans, such as where you are going (including addresses), who you will be with, and an itinerary of your plans. You may also want to consider setting up a secret code phrase or emoji to notify that person that you need help and/or for emergency services to be called.
However, if you have concerns about someone tracking your device, consider using a separate device, such as a pay-as-you-go cell phone. You may also consider providing this information via a separate e-mail address the person harming you does not have access to on a separate device, such as a computer at a library, or informing your safe person of your plans in-person, if possible.
Staying safe in your home
If you are staying home with a partner who makes you feel unsafe this holiday season, try to identify escape routes (such as back doors and unlocked windows) in case you need to make a sudden exit. If you do not think this will be possible, consider identifying a safe room in your home.
Ideally, a safe room is a room that:
- has a door which closes and/or locks,
- does not have many hard surfaces (so, avoiding bathrooms and kitchens, for example), and
- does not contain weapons, like firearms, knives, or items that may be used to strangle someone.
If you cannot find a room that has all of these things, that’s OK – try to identify the room that has as many of these things as possible.
Other than these considerations, consider identifying times where you can be alone – your emotional safety is just as important as your physical safety. Extended bathroom breaks, walks outside (if it is safe to leave the house), and driving to pick other people up for holiday get-togethers may be good options depending on your situation.
Even if you cannot spend time alone, try to think of the things in your home or at get-togethers that bring you joy. Are there safe people at these get-togethers you can talk to, even if it isn’t about the abuse? Are there holiday crafts or treats you love to make?
Make a go-bag
This goes for any safety plan – if you think that you may have to leave your home suddenly, it may be a good idea to pack a small, hidden bag with some essentials. Love Is Respect’s website has a great list of items to put in a Go-Bag. If you cannot pack all of these things into a bag, prioritize the items that are essential for your well-being or are the hardest to replace, such vital documents (like birth certificates, medical records, and car titles) and medications.
Staying safe when you travel
For many of us, the holidays mean interstate (and sometimes international) travel. If you are concerned about you or your children being physically harmed while traveling, consider identifying sliding-scale clinics both on the path to your destination and at or around your destination. If you have insurance, your insurance provider may also be able to provide referrals to other clinics outside of your usual network.
Remember: You are not alone.
Regardless of your holiday plans, Safe Passage is here to support you. Our hotline, textline, and shelter all operate 24/7, each day of the year (yes, even on holidays). Whether you need advice, a listening ear, or help leaving your current living situation, please do not hesitate to reach out to us. All of our services are confidential and free of charge to survivors.
Hotline: (815) 756-5228
Textline: (815) 393-1995
Written by: Harvey Green
