There are a lot of misconceptions about what boundaries are and do for relationships. We may feel that boundaries are unnecessary because our partner is supposed to already know and act on our needs and wants, or that they ruin the relationship or interfere with the spice. All healthy relationships have boundaries! A relationship can’t be healthy until both partners communicate their boundaries clearly, and the other person respects them. Healthy boundaries in a relationship don’t come naturally, nor do they come easily. Below is a list of both healthy and unhealthy aspects in a relationship:
| Healthy | Unhealthy |
| Feeling responsible for your own happiness | Feeling incomplete without your partner |
| Friendships exist outside of the relationship | Relying on your partner for happiness |
| Open and honest communication | Manipulation |
| Respecting differences in your partner | Jealousy |
| Asking honestly what is wanted | Feeling unable to express what is wanted |
| Accepting endings | Unable to let go |
Establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship allows both partners to feel comfortable and develop positive self-esteem. In order to establish boundaries, you need to be clear with your partner who you are, what you want, your beliefs and values, and your limits. A lot of times, we tend to focus on adjusting to others, taking time away from focusing on ourselves. Setting boundaries for yourself that reflect who you are and who you ultimately want to be will only enhance setting boundaries with your partner in a relationship.
Regardless of how “big” or “small” the boundary or boundary violation, no one likes to have their boundary be ignored or disrespected. If you break your own boundaries because you are scared of your partner’s reaction, that is HUGE red flag. In a healthy relationship, you should never feel afraid of your partner or their reactions.
Here are a few tips to help you get started establishing boundaries with your partner in your relationship:
- Communicate your thoughts with one another. Be honest, but respectful when sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner. It’s totally normal and okay to need time to gather your thoughts and feelings, but don’t use that approach to avoid the conversation.
- Never assume or guess your partner’s feelings. Making assumptions can create a lot of misunderstandings in a relationship. You may feel like you know your partner very well that you feel you’re entitled to assume what they want or need without asking them, but it is always your best bet to ask rather than assume.
- Follow through on what you say. Setting boundaries and not executing them lets the other person think they have an excuse to continue to overstep your boundaries. You shouldn’t make any exceptions to your own boundaries without careful consideration because you may soon find yourself on compromising things that aren’t acceptable to you.
- Take responsibility for your actions. Instead of immediately blaming your partner for the situation or how you’re feeling, take a step back and think about the choices you’ve made in the relationship and see if they may have contributed to the situation. Both partners should be doing this!
- Know when it’s time to move on. You can only share how you desire to be treated in the relationship, and you can’t be responsible for your partner’s feelings or communication. Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and fairness. If your partner can’t respect your boundaries, then it may be time to end the relationship.
Setting and establishing healthy boundaries is a skill, and it takes time! Remember, healthy boundaries don’t come easy, but if you trust your instincts, be open, and practice with your partner, the relationship will only get stronger over time.
Written by: Frankie Best
