Hello hello hello and welcome to all our readers, people who accidentally stumbled here from Twitter, and a special hello to all the people who were just admiring our incredible new website design and just happened to end up at our blog! We hope you’re enjoying Clare’s journey to find love in a La Quinta resort during a global pandemic. Personally, we’re just…bored.
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We’re working to examine and call out our culture of relationships that we see under a microscope in the petri dish that is Bachelor Nation. Check out our weekly Facebook Live video (catch up by watching old videos on our Youtube channel!) to hear all our thoughts and let us know what you’re thinking about this week! Don’t forget, you can always follow along with us on Twitter too! (@Safe_PassageDV)
So this week’s episode was our first week really seeing how the Bachelorette would function without exciting dates and world travel. From our first taste, it would seem that this season is going to lean HARD into the Summer Camp Counselor dates. Discuss your trauma, write your deepest hopes and fears on paper and burn it in the fire, talk about your love languages. I’m sorry…am I back in junior high crushing on another camper across the campfire? It sure feels like it.
In case you missed this episode, we had a group date focused on Love Languages that seemed to involve a weird Romeo & Juliet component (aside: can we remember that this is a play about TEENAGERS WHO KILL THEMSELVES? It’s really not that romantic) followed by some light, public groping, and a cocktail party. Then we had a one-on-one with Jason where Clare seemed determined to play therapist to an emotionally unavailable man. We’ll talk more about this soon, we promise. Finally, we had a group date designed by a 12-year-old who thinks joking about “balls” is the highest form of humor. We’ll just say that Clare’s suitors played dodgeball without nearly the level of support they needed and leave it at that.
Okay, here’s what we loved this week:
Clare was so honest and open about her history of being in abusive and manipulative relationships. Especially during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it was so meaningful for Clare to put that out on a national platform without any shame or stigma. Too often we want to ignore difficult topics or sweep them under the rug. The Bachelor producers (we’re looking at you, Mike Fleiss and Chris Harrison) have worked to completely ignore the abusive tendencies in their own show and the abuse perpetrated by their own cast members and staff. We respect Clare’s openness and hope it inspires ABC to address issues of intimate partner violence and invest in being part of the solution.
What bugged us this week?
Leaving aside the heavy camp-counselor-vibes, we had a lot to rant about this week. First: Jason’s date. Regardless of if Jason should learn how to open up and be vulnerable, he clearly was uncomfortable doing that on national TV. We all deserve a partner who is open and honest with us about their past and a partner who is in-touch with their feelings, you can’t force someone to be at that point. We felt like Clare was just picking and picking and picking at Jason to open up and divulge some pretty deep trauma on their date.
Healthy relationships are ones that move at a comfortable pace for everyone involved. If your partner is pushing you to open up too fast or fall in love too quickly, that’s a red flag. Clare may have good intentions, but if Jason isn’t comfortable, she needs to back off and recognize that this isn’t a relationship that is going to work for her. It’s okay to break up (or send someone home) if you aren’t on the same page. It’s not okay to drag them kicking and screaming onto your page.
What else bugged us this week? BRANDON. We’ve heard pretty mixed opinions on Brandon, but we’re firmly Team Clare on this. If you say you came on this show SPECIFICALLY for Clare and that you are looking to find your life partner, you should really be able to say something you like about her other than her looks.
This feels like a consistent theme in Bachelor Nation. If there is a woman being complimented, she is ALWAYS being complimented on her looks. Night One on EVERY SEASON of the Bachelorette, the men get out of the limo and say some version of “You look beautiful.” Cool. It’s almost always the first thing a man says to the Bachelorette every time she comes into the room: “you look amazing!” Cool. Compliments on our looks aren’t a bad thing. Who doesn’t love being told that they look fire? It’s great! But when that is ALL that women are complimented on, we start to feel like that is the only thing that matters.
Compliment our intelligence. Compliment our humor. Compliment our leadership skills, our command of the room, our creativity, our passion. Let women know, let YOUNG GIRLS know, that there is so much more to them than what they look like. They bring so much more to the world than just a pretty face. Girls can and will change the world. We just have to stop holding them back.
Our rose this week goes to Bennet. WHO SAW THIS COMING? Our Harvard bro from last week turned it around as one of the only sources of fun and comic relief in this episode, but we’re giving him this rose especially for the male friendships we saw him prioritize in this episode. Bennet was chilling by the pool, doing a soft facemask with his roommate and we loved it! Just like girls are put in a box being told that we have to be pretty and kind and empathetic, boys are put in the opposite box being told that they can’t be those things. We loved to see Bennet breaking that mold and showing boys that they can love face masks and self-care and open friendships. You deserve it!
AND DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!