Hello hello hello and welcome to all our readers, watchers, and international followers who were interested in seeing what a peaceful transfer of power looks like in the US of A!
If you just stumbled upon us and don’t know what this is about:
We’re working to examine and call out our culture of relationships that we see under a microscope in the petri dish that is Bachelor Nation. Check out our weekly Facebook Live video (catch up by watching old videos on our Youtube channel!) to hear all our thoughts and let us know what you’re thinking about this week! Don’t forget, you can always follow along with us on Twitter too! (@Safe_PassageDV)
What a week! It felt like night one all over again, but also felt like we’ve been watching this forever. We’ve got a new Bachelorette, a few new guys, and the same old problems! Ready to rant?
Let’s pick right up where we left off last week: Entitlement. Last week, the remaining guys (led by Canadian Blake M) were acting like grouchy little monsters because they felt entitled to Clare’s time and attention and were mad that she was giving it to Dale. THIS WEEK, the remaining guys were acting like grouchy little monsters because they seemed to feel entitled to TAYSHIA’s time and attention.
Here’s just a little reminder in life and in love: NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING. I get that the remaining 16 guys had to hang out and waste time while Clare was clearly not into them and that’s a bummer. However, you’re restarting the game here. Tayshia is not required to be into you or to prioritize your time slash feelings just because you survived Hurricane Clare. All the comments about how the new guys need to wait their turn, be patient just like you’ve been patient, step back while you step up…those things just don’t sit well with me because they treat Tayshia like a prize you’ve earned rather than a human being who is looking for a partner.
You don’t earn love, you don’t earn a relationship, especially by doing things that had nothing to do with your partnership or with the other person. You BUILD love. You BUILD a relationship. And you do that each and every day by being safe, accountable partners.
On the positive side, however, we got to see a really healthy view of what it looks like to recognize the end of a relationship. Tayshia and Brendon’s one-on-one date included some deep discussions of their past marriages and both of them reflecting on how they (and in Brendon’s case also his partner) lost themselves in those relationships and lost what made them unique individuals. For Brendon’s spouse, she realized that wasn’t going to work out and they ended the relationship before it got “bad”. Brendon mentioned that his family had a hard time understanding why he would get divorced if nothing was actively wrong, but they recognized that things just weren’t right anymore.
Ending a relationship is NOT a bad thing. Being able to step away and say that a relationship has run its course can be the healthiest thing for you and your partner. End things when you realize you’re not happy. End things when you realize you’re not living your best life. End things when you realize you just can’t make it work anymore. Learn to walk away rather than staying and letting that frustration and unhappiness fester. Relationships don’t have to be happily ever after for them to matter. If more people learned to walk away rather than staying until they hurt or harm their partner, we’d have a healthier culture.
It may seem counterintuitive, but ending a relationship can be the best way to honor the love you had. Honor yourself and set your boundaries. Learn to walk away to protect yourself. And honor your partner. Learn to walk away before you hurt someone else. Learn to accept endings and rejection with grace, kindness, and humility.
Last rant, real quick here. Why are all the guys dates focused around hyper -competitive sports activities? All least Clare’s weird therapy session dates kept us from being stuck in a world that seems to think that all men care about is winning (the game, the top testosterone award, the girl). It was SO MUCH MORE FUN to see the guys bro-ing out and developing friendships while Clare was off smushin’ booties with Dale and I’m so frustrated that we seem to be back in the production world of pitting the guys against each other and forcing a hyper-masculine, super toxic storyline of “fighting for the woman you love.” I’ll stop there because the previews seem to indicate that we are headed for a group date WHERE THEY WILL LITERALLY FIGHT EACH OTHER AND I’M SO OVER IT.
We have SO MANY more thoughts, including how we’re feeling about Clare and Dale, our favorite Bennet moments of the week, AND why we’re not buying the villain plot behind Spencer. We may have insider info and yes, we may be biased. For our full rants, check out our Youtube channel or head over to our Facebook.